YOUTH MINISTRY
Ministry To Teens In Grief
by Nick Davis
The telephone rings. It’s Julie. Julie is in the ninth grade and a member of your Sunday School group. She is calling to tell you that a friend of hers has died. She is very upset and needs to talk to someone. You instantly recall the times you have told your group to call you if they ever need to talk or just need a friend. Boy, does Julie need a friend!
You may not realize it, but at this very moment you have been placed in a position of honor! A teenager is inviting you into her world and asking you to “come alongside” and walk with her through a tough time. This is a very painful and confusing time and she is trusting you to help her. Do you know what to do? Here are some suggestions of how to respond to a teenager in the initial stages of grief.
Remember, God is present. This is a scary moment for her and maybe you, too. God is present and is waiting to help you minister to the youth. The Spirit that has brought you through some tough personal experiences is also ready to empower you to be God’s minister to Julie.
Be present and be a good listener. At this very moment, what she really needs is somebody to be present and hear all the confusion, fear, anger and hurt that is brewing inside. Make sure you are sending the message that you are 100% present. If your mind is wandering or you are doing another activity as you speak to her it will be noticed and may ruin any opportunity you may have of helping her.
Timing is important. When you hear that a teen is in a crisis such as this, respond as quickly as possible. Let her know that you want to be of help and support. Delaying contact or waiting for what you think may be a more opportune time may send a message that you do not care. Whether it is a face-to-face visit or a telephone call, let her know you are aware of the loss and want to know if you can be of help.
Need for catharsis. The word catharsis comes from a Greek word that means to cleanse or purge. Your teen may feel the need to release negative feelings, such as anger, fear or guilt. Their anger may be directed at God or even the deceased. The need for catharsis is especially there when death is a direct result of at-risk behavior. She may feel angry at the deceased for his/her involvement in such behavior that caused the death. She may feel angry and/or guilty with herself for not doing enough to stop or deter such activity.
Create an environment of freedom to ask BIG questions of God. There will no doubt be some questions asked that do not have answers. Why did this happen? Why did God allow this to happen? When faced with these moments, be confident and answer truthfully, “I don’t know.” She will appreciate your honesty and that you struggle with some of the same questions! You can get yourself into trouble by trying to explain things that aren’t understandable.
Do not be afraid to show your emotions. If you are sharing the loss, then you are probably experiencing grief feelings, too. Allow her to see that you are human and are working through this time of grief, too!
Need for affirmation of life! Life is a gift from God. It is something to be celebrated and given meaning through a relationship with God. While our youth may be familiar with the promise of heaven and eternal life with God, it is good to remind them of this promise. An effective way to do this is through the reading of such promises found in scripture (Psalm 23 and 139; John 14:1-4, 18-20, 25-31; and 1 Corinthians 15:51-57).
—From Intersections: Volume 11
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