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Excerpt
Marriage Ministry by Bo Prosser and Charles Qualls Introduction The outline for this book was formed in the snack bar of the display hall at the Cooperative Baptist Fellowship General Assembly in Ft. Worth, Texas. When we sat down to share ideas over Diet Cokes, we decided to write a practical book on marriage enrichment. We wanted the book to speak to the “missional” approach to ministry, not the programmatic approach. We wanted the book to be helpful on many levels for multiple audiences. Too often in churches, ministers plan programs for the church calendar regardless of whether the programs meet the needs of congregations. Too often, ministers come away frustrated when no one attends. Too often, couples participate in marriage enrichment experiences to pacify the “nagging spouse” or to rationalize that they are working on their marriages. For many married couples, once is enough and they never feel the need to “enrich” again. Other couples leave such events angrier and more alienated. Ministry is meeting needs. Ministry is being the presence of Christ. If churches are to be more missional and less programmatic, clergy must respond not only to the felt needs of the congregation but also to their expressed needs. As ministers, we know that your time is limited and that you are bombarded with countless needs. This book is for you. We included stops along the way that we call “Think Tanks,” hoping these will encourage conversation, communication, and interaction. We also included issues that relate to integrity of leadership in marriage planning and marriage enrichment. Hopefully, this book will help you minister more effectively to the newly married, to the successfully married, and to the struggling married. Young adults, middle adults, and senior adults will all be able to study the material together or in separate groups. This material is for couples who desire to make their relationships healthier and who seek your help in that process. Our prayer is that these words will somehow help you help them. A Framework for Marriage Ministry Healthy, missional marriages don’t simply happen. That would seem obvious, but a glance at our culture’s marriage landscape makes a case for the opposite. New couples deserve and need a strong foundation that the vast majority of people cannot generate on their own. This foundation offers them the best chance at happiness. Investments of time and effort get engaged couples ready for the altar. But do they usually give such time and effort before making marriage vows? One large county in the southeast recently found that clergy performed 95 percent of all weddings, with most others performed by justices of the peace. Yet a quick survey of clergy and couples indicated that the major focus of the engagement months was planning the elaborate wedding ceremonies. Brides-to-be and musicians did most of this planning. Soon after the glow of the wedding faded, newly married couples were off to fend for themselves. This is all too common. Most clergy say they used to put their full attention into premarital counseling. In spite of a relative lack of good materials, ministers developed their own ways of trying to help “nearlyweds” get ready for their combined lives. They attempted multi-session counseling agreements, acquainting couples with the issues and skills they might need. However, as divorce rates soared with no statistical difference between church weddings and those performed elsewhere, the mentality was that couples would do what they wanted to do, regardless of preplanning. There was also an increasingly secular view of the church; couples seemed to be renting the church as consumers of religious goods and services. Because time and energy are precious commodities, ministers began investing less in preparation and used their resources in other programmatic areas of church life. The “Marriage Enrichment Movement” of the 1970s gave birth to a lasting effort to help married couples. Quickly, though, the stigma was attached that retreats and study groups were for troubled marriages. Even today, only a core group from each church, neighborhood, or city seems to feel comfortable with participating in proactive enrichment efforts. Mainstreaming the efforts at good marriage work has been a long, tough haul. Skepticism, competing interests, and slim budgets often determine how much effort goes to marriage ministry. What can we do today that hasn’t already been done? Renewed commitment and hope alone will not get us where we need to be. No marriage ministry will capture the imaginations of all couples. Still, where willing clergy meet eager couples, there is a way to prepare and schedule programs for marriage enrichment. The church needs to do its part, since ministers still officiate over most wedding ceremonies. Efforts for marriage ministry must focus on basic tasks like the following:
Think Tank—Marriage Ministry
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